Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Top Bizarre Things You Can Buy on Amazon

Wolf Urine



100% pure wolf pee. Use this pee to deter unwanted creatures from your home. Its effectiveness is vouched for by one Amazon reviewer who said:

My Uncle Jared had been under the weather since his wife passed away. He was also in a lot of debt and doing drugs. So one day he bought this Wolf Lure, apparently covered his body in it, and went into the forest. We held his funeral last Thursday, but there was no body to place in a casket so we just remembered him the way he was, and placed flowers by the forest where his mauled clothing and remnants of teeth and flesh lay in eternal slumber. The local news ran a report of him, and we all wish him well with his wife.

Please note: this product can not be shipped to California due to state regulations on the importing of animal pee.



Stop Eating Poop!



From the product review: “Stop Eating Poop contains Glutamic Acid to deter dogs from eating their own stool. Yucca helps control stool and urine odor. Peppermint and parsley help to eliminate bad breath.” The peppermint and parsley are clearly essential for the dog who enjoys an occasional meal of poo. This product is not fit for human consumption.



Gay Attraction Body Mist



According to the product review, “Man To Man was created after years of study to naturally help Gays Attract other Gays.” I thought tighty whiteys and cosmos were already doing that!



Dr. John’s Famous Pee Pee



Are you about to take a drug test at work and you know you are going to fail? Dr. John to the rescue! This synthetic pee tests within normal ranges in standard urine tests. Avoid workplace discrimination by carrying a bottle of Dr. John’s Pee with you at all times!



Tank



For only $19,995 you can own your very own battle tank. This tank carries a crew of up to five internally and one externally. Includes head/tail lights and a 400 watt premium PA system. If you are unsure whether this tank is the one for you, check out this excerpt from one of the reviews on amazon:

I’ll admit it. Shopping for a personal tank can be a bit daunting. Many times in the past I’ve purchased overpriced, so-called “battle tanks”, then driven them into battle only to be wrecked in ten minutes by the first blow off of some insurgents home-made mortar. But not this baby, no way.

It looks like a great deal to me!




Liquid Ass Fart Spray



I am speechless on this one. Here is an excerpt from their product description: “Liquid ASS is an overwhelming, stinky, funny prank product. Once unleashed, this powerpacked, superconcentrated liquid begins to evaporate filling the air with a genuine, foul buttcrack smell with hints of dead animal and fresh poo.”



UFO Detector



Over the years many UFO sightings have reported magnetic and electromagnetic disturbances. The UFO Detector is designed to sense these disturbances and will signal their presence by flashing an LED and beeping. Now you can be the first to arrive on the scene of alien landings or crashes!



Roswell Soil Sample



For those of you who have no luck with your UFO Detectors, you can still experience part of the UFO/Alien phenomenon by buying soil from Roswell - the crash site of an alien spacecraft some years ago. Who knows, if you add water you may be able to grow your own Xenu!



Deer’s Butt



This is a genuine whitetail deer rear. Perfect for the lover of taxidermy or bottoms. Use this in combination with item 5 on the list for many evenings of entertainment!



Uranium



Yes - it is true - you can actually buy a can of real uranium! According to Amazon, the uranium sample is for “educational and scientific use only” so please don’t buy this product if you have any other plans in mind. The List Universe can not guarantee that you will not end up on an FBI watchlist if you buy this product

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